I wish Robin Hobb would write more books. I haven’t been able to find a really good book to read in a long time.
I dreamed of Hawaii last night and woke up with an ache to be back there. All things are possible — we *could* go live there if we really wanted to — sometimes I feel like we should do it, if even for just a year ago, to test the rock fever theory and see how it all pans out. I look out the window here, at the sludge and the slush and the cold, and I look in the mirror, at my green-white face that never really gets over being green-white and pinched and I want the SUN. The sun, and warm, scented air, and hot sand, and clear blue-green ocean water.
I dreamed of Hawaii last night and consequently I awoke feeling mushy and discontented.
We aren’t healthy here. Season in, season out, we huddle indoors over our computers. There must be something more, something else, than all these computers, but how? I’m sure it’s all just a matter of priorities but I haven’t figured it out yet. It nags at me constantly, this feeling of unwellness — not really obvious unwellness, as in I don’t feel well, but unwellness as in I feel like my lifestyle is no good. I feel like, despite all my efforts to eat properly and so on and so forth, it isn’t enough. There’s something fundamental missing and I think maybe that fundamental thing is being outdoors.
RESTLESSNESS! I must sit here and code: I have only until tomorrow to finish fixing things before we put everything on code freeze. But I can’t concentrate. I want to be elsewhere.