I’m really damn hungry. I just ate lunch — tuna over a salad and one of those green odwalla drinks — and it just didn’t do the trick. Perhaps it’s because I went running this morning?

See, I am running in order to get thinner, and yet, running makes me so hungry that I eat more. This must defeat the purpose, no? but running makes me feel better about myself and more perky and awake so I suppose i should keep up with it anyway.

Saturday mike and I went to inspect a potential dog kennel in Buttcrack, MA (aka Belchertown — yes, that really is the town name!). It was horrid. We got there after it had closed for the day so we crept around the closed gate and hiked up the hill to inspect it. Not only was there no one around looking after the doggies, the doggies were practically in fits. Now I know that dogs tend to bark a lot, but this was pure aural chaos. I think if we put Fitz and Kettricken in there for 3 weeks, not only would they develop the bad habits of shitting wherever they want inside, they would be severely traumatized from excess cacophony.

In short, they’d hate it. In short, there is no way that we are putting them in there!

But this brings a problem. I am figuring all kennels are pretty much the same, shrieking-dog-wise. if it were less than a week, perhaps it wouldn’t be such a big deal, but three weeks is a long time! I just don’t know what to do as I don’t trust finding some stranger to come into my house for three weeks and care for them.

Anyway, after we rejected that place, we stopped by Six Flags, since we were in the neighborhood. Mike made me go on all the upside down roller coasters. I have never let anyone pressure me into going on any upside down or pretzel roller coasters before! I have been avoiding it in terror since the age of 10. So I went on three of them in quick succession (there were no lines) and practically broke my neck. It was fun. Although I felt rather ill afterward for about an hour and a half…

athanata was right! Gretta Cole is an excellent place to get a facial.

Last night my dad called me. I did not get to the phone in time since I was busy getting drunk and happy at Tracy’s. In his message, he told me that he and Anne had planned to get together sometime soon, and “Anne had suggested” in the next two weeks since my mom is in Switzerland, and would I like to join them, and could I please call back with Anne’s cell phone number because he “didn’t dare” call her at my mom’s house and leave a message.

I cannot stand this. The deception, sneaking around behind my mom’s back, sickens me. I don’t think it’s RIGHT that my mother forbid Anne and Will from seeing my father: I can see her point of view, of course, but the fact remains that he is their father, they are adults, and have a right to pursue a relationship with him, judge him for themselves. Anne is terrified that my mom will disown her if she sees my dad, and so she is doing it behind my mother’s back, and that disgusts me. I refuse to take any part in this affair.

The sad thing is, I DO want to see my dad. I DO care about him, and miss him, no matter how self-betraying that is — he clearly doesn’t give a shit about me so why should I bother? But I will not condone these circumstances. It is pathetic that he is so weak. Aren’t any of us, his four children, worth standing up for? If he wants to see us, why can’t he proclaim that instead of cowering away from my mother, instead of encouraging my headstrong little sister to be dishonest and do wrong.

I am going to call him, and I am going to tell him my opinion of this, and then I think it is likely that he will not speak to me again. He only speaks to me now and then (that is maybe twice a year)because he sees me as a tool, someone who will give him information, someone he can meet and pretend for a little while that he’s a real father. Once I tell him I can’t stand his dishonesty, he will consider that I have turned into my mother, and he will abandon any hope of me completely. It’s a sorry price to pay.

I’m not not on her side. I just hate lies.