I am totally moving to Charleston.

Sitting at my mom’s on Christmas night, trying to check email on her (as I said before) terrible 28K modem. One email that means so much more to me than any other, that brings me back, for a moment, into a bittersweet past…

Ah, memories.

I haven’t been writing much about what I think lately. Quite a change from a year ago, I suppose… There is too much, really, going on in my mind and every time I want to write it out, I feel it would exhaust me, and so like a coward I put it aside.

So many things to write about. So many little minor changes and confusions and possibilities. More than I can count on my two hands. But my brain confounds, my tongue twists, and I what I write is only… flippant.

The problem has, all my life, been that I never remember anything unless I write it down. This point especially is rich with memory and must be preserved, but where to find that energy to spend the thought and words to preserve it?

There are too many things, too many things. The path branches to a multitude here — which one to choose? Vocations, locations, people… again the change comes upon me and I fear it, I fight it, I look away from it. Oddly, I have never been a person given to looking to the future; it is the past that catches me up and holds me, the memories that cling to me and chain my mind.

Right now, at this very moment, so many tiny things give just a hint of something from before. A word, a scent, an email — and just like that, I am swept up in a great wave of remembrance and all is bewildered.

I hate letting go.

SO I thought I’d take a nice hot shower tonight to warm myself up after my Tuesday track workout since I am always so chilled afterwards. And while I was in the shower, I thought it would be a good idea to shave.

The longer I go without shaving, the uglier I feel. And it really has nothing to do with how I look because I wear pants all the time so no one knows anyway. But, I digress:

So after my nice shower I thought it would be a good idea to put moisturizer all over my poor ready-to-erupt-in-shaving rash oversensitive legs. And while I was hunting for the moisturizer, I thought it might be a good idea to use this Dr. Scholl’s Peppermint foot and leg lotion instead.

Bad idea. Baaaaaaaaaaad idea. Now I know peppermint has cooling properties because I use peppermint soap, but nothing has ever rivaled the iciness of Dr. Scholl’s peppermint foot and leg lotion. I feel as if I am encased in an iceberg. My fingers are trembling on the keyboard. Can’t… stop… shivering…

And worse yet, my apartment has such a pathetic hot water heater that my one shower depleted it of hot water for the next 30-45 minutes!

Baaaargh!

At about 5:30 AM my mail server went mad and stared sending tons of random emails I didn’t tell it to :-/ I have since whipped it into shape.

T. ( I’m sick of calling him T.; from now on he’s gonna be Mrtee) – that is, Mrtee is deathly ill. He tossed and turned on his futon all night and now he is going to the doctor. Mrtee never goes to the doctor! He says he has bronchitis.

He’s eating all my lasagna, which is good, because I made a ton of it the last night Zaubi was here and lasagna happens to make me ill.

Tomorrow I will head home to my mom’s. Have to pack for both there and SC all in one go. Oooogh. So much laundry. Have a couple of meetings this afternoon (one about my “interesting” resume) but otherwise nothing… so silently does my MIT career draw to a close!

Things are much greyer without Zaubi around.

And he’s been gone less than 24 hours!

Dinner with my mom tonight…